Job Hunt (and Other) Humor

Job Hunting can be a hard, depressing thing to do. Sometimes a little humor is needed to lighten the day. Here is a collection of some humorous things relating to job hunting. Some of the material is original, and some is borrowed from other sources. Some may even open up a new browser window to another site.

This page may be occasionally updated, so check back once in a while. Also, feel free to e-mail your own Job Hunt Humor -- just remember to keep it clean.

Last update: 03-Sep-2010

Opening Statements

One of the first things that you learn when job hunting is how to put together an "elevator speech." An integral part of that elevator speech is an opening that will attract enough attention to get people both listening and wanting to ask questions about you. Here are some openings I have come up with. Some of them I have used, and some of them I have not.

  • (said solemnly) Hello, my name is John Werner and I am a recovering workaholic. It's been 3 months since I last set foot in my office, and ... Oops, sorry, wrong meeting...

[The above opening worked very well, and I became known for several weeks as the recovering workaholic.]

  • I used to say I am a hyper-intelligent problem solver who enjoys finding out-of-the-box solutions to problems by using innovative tools, and thus generating game-changing results for my employer, but that was starting to seem too wordy, so now I just use: Hello! My name is John Werner, and I am a genius.

[I still haven't tried this one. One day I will find just the right audience, maybe.]

  • Do you ever wish you had someone who understood technology better than you? Someone who could converse fluently in geek-speak without any trouble? Well, here I am. My name is John Werner, and I am a geek. Not just any geek, but a Linux Geek: an SD card carrying, internet tablet wielding geek who speaks C, C++, Perl, Bash, and a whole bunch of other languages you really don't want to know about. Best of all, I am available right now to help you.

Turning a Phrase

Many different devices can be employed to convey the same group of ideas in a succinct or even more palatable way. In other words, there are many ways so say something.

  • Explaining a jail sentence for embezzlement: I received special recognition for my work increasing ROI through Innovative Acquisitions.

Interviewing Humor

Having worked my way up the corporate ladder at one company for over 10 years, I had many chances to interview potential new hires. At that company, we used a team approach to interviewing. I think it worked well, sometimes too well. [One candidate we hired to work under me ended up being rapidly promoted and within 6 months I was working for him. Another group of candidates I recommended we hired ended up still being employed when the group I moved to was cut and their group was retained.]

Now, the tables have turned, and I am being interviewed. What a change.

Geek Speak Humor

If you have read much of this site, you will probably know that I am a computer person.

    • [* if you visit xkcd.com, be warned that some comics may be for mature audiences. Most aren't, but occasionally some are.]